Podcast

Riggins would have turned 9 today which is hard to believe. I still hear his sweet voice and cute laugh when he was 5 about to turn 6. I love and miss you so much Riggins. Happy 9th Birthday.

I have my sister in law Keshia, niece Faith and nephew Ran on to talk about what July 25, 2021 was for each of us and what we were doing when we got the news. Talking about Trauma is hard. There is so much my family has not talked about still. The more you talk, the easier it becomes to find the right words. It takes effort, just like anything else in life. I'm so proud of my family in this episode. 3 years later it still hurts the same, maybe worse. The more time goes on the more I havent seen them. That is really difficult to accept. What I have learned so far is how much I really loved Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race and Rider. Death has shown me that. I have learned that the gratitude, the joy, the love, the growth to be had from this horror is located in the same place as the pain. I ran from the pain for so long but that was also causing me to run away from Kortni and Riggins and Franki and Race and Rider. It still hurts, really bad. Continuing to talk about them and how I feel on the inside as allowed me to also find gratitude and love along with the pain now. I didnt have that at the beginning. Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race, Rider. We love you and miss you so much. I never thought this would be our life and journey together. But it is, so what are we going to do about it?

"I remember when I turned 33" I am 6 months older than Kortni and so every time she had a birthday I would say "I remember when I turned..." I think she laughed hard the first time I did it and then rolled here eyes for the next 15 years when I did it haha. Where I am currently at in my grief journey is having the idea that Kortni and Riggins and Franki are somewhere. I am not sure what form or shape that is in but they are somewhere together and it is a struggle for them. Just like it is a struggle for Blue and I and the rest of our family. Kortni always found a way to help people and have a positive influence in the worst of circumstances. Even though Kortni is dealing with grief too I know she would be handling it well with a combo of grace and fury. She keeps me going, she gets me out of bed. She has always been a great leader and role model to me. I got to have some Kortni's friends on. (sorry to all the freinds we didnt have on haha kort would have felt bad) Thank you to her friends Shelbi and Madi who went to middle school with Kortni and played high school basketball with her. We had Kort's friend Aria on too who worked as a nurse with Kortni. My absolute favorite thing is hearing stories about Kortni, especially ones I have never heard of before. So thank you to Shelbi, Madi and Aria I felt Kortni's spirit so strongly talking to all of you at the same time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KORTNI! LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Got to talk with Conner Furu and what he has been through in his life. We both talked a lot about how sports has played a pivotal role in our lives. It was fun to relate with someone like him in that way.  Conner is a man of his word and you get a sense of his integridy and accountability in this episode I think. One of my favorite quotes from him says; "The inferno of our grief is fueled by our refusal to acknowledge it, and extinguished by our attempts to undertand it." Grief at times does feel like an inferno and I think Conner is right. If you refuse to talk about it then it only feeds it and makes it bigger. Only by talking about it can you actually extinguish it. Thanks for showing up and being on our show Conner

June 29th is Franki's Birthday. I miss you so much Frank, can't believe you would be 5! June 29th is also Kortni and my 11th anniversary. I wrote you guys a letter and wanted to read it on here so we would always have it. I love and miss you both so much.

Parker lost his wife, Jordan Lynae Terry, age 28. She passed away December 18, 2023, in Tucson, Arizona from complications incident to childbirth.  A perfect full-term baby boy, Mack Jordan Terry, also passed away on December 17, 2023, during the birth. He weighed 9 pounds and 4 ounces, measuring 20 inches in length. Parker and Jordan planned an at home birth which turned into Parker slowly watching his wife and baby die. Victoria Alexander says; "There are three needs of the griever. To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard." Jordan and Mack passed away about 5 months ago, the strength Jordan has to talk about it is inspiring to me. Thank you for finding the words and saying them Jordan, they will definitely be heard by our 10ninety tribe.

I talk to Blue about his favorite things about kindergarten and summer.

Thank you to all our listeners, you guys sent in some questions and we answerd as many as we could. "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." -Charles R. Swindo

In this episode I talk with my sister in law Keshia, and my niece Faith about Rider for his birthday. Happy Birthday Rider, we love and miss you so much.

Shame and guilt are emotions that we all have. We all feel bad for some things we have done or haven't done. It is part of the human experience. I think that is why jesus told those dudes who were trying to stone that lady to death to only throw a stone if you have no shame or guilt. "He without sin" (shame and guilt) cast the first stone. We have created a culture where we don't talk about shame and guilt, ever. Even though it impacts us all greatly in our day to day life. Chad drove under the influence as an 18 year old kid, got into a car crash and paralyzed one of his best friends. Years later, Chad was moving along with life again. Got married, had a family and was doing well despite the guilt he had. Then one day as his family was getting ready for a family vacation he was backing out of the driveway and didnt know his 2 year old daughter Natalie was riding her bike. He accidently hit her, they rushed her to the hospital and then were told that she was gone. In a world full of people who don't want to talk about shame and guilt, I am proud of Chad for being willing to talk about his. Hearing his story has helped me a lot and I know it will help many of our listeners. As bad as the guilt and shame must be for Chad, he still had one quesiton to answer. What am I going to do about it?

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason and Ryan talk about things that probably should be left to qualified professionals.  We talk about top 10 states that struggle with suicide and depression and discuss whether there's a difference between grief and clinical depression.  If you're hurting.  Please talk to someone.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety podcast we interview Kuri Bolger.  On March 5th 2022 Kuri and her family were involved in an F4 tornado in Winterset Iowa.  Kuri, her son Brysen, her brother, and her stepfather were the only survivors.  Kuri lost her husband Mike Bolger, her daughter Kinlee, her son Owen, and her mother Melissa Bazley.  In this episode Mason and Kuri talk about the difficulties of grieving multiple people at the same time.  They also talk about how the best way to honor the loved ones they have lost is to live a life they would be proud of.  They talk about how sharing their grief with others has given them strength and helps them feel closer to the loved ones they have lost.

On this episode of the 10 Ninety podcast we interview Brie Ocea.  On July 4, 2022 Brie lost her son Romeo to a drowning accident.  Brie shares with us details about the day of the accident and her experience dealing with grief.  Mason and Brie talk about the difficulties of sharing their stories to help others while also dealing with the criticism and the perception other people may have of them.  They talk about the difficulties of losing a child so young because others will never know them like they did.  They talk about the unfairness of them being unable to experience all that this life has to offer.

On this episode of the 10 Ninety Podcast we interview Kimberly Howard.  On June 28th, 2013 Kimberly lost her son Keaton to a boating accident at Lake Powell.  Mason and Kimberly talk about how there's no way to prepare for grief.  They talk about the importance of feeling all of the emotions that come with trauma, life's synchronicities, and understanding that every person grieves differently.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast we talk with Kelly Jewel.  14 years ago Kelly lost her husband Clint to Leukemia.  Mason and Kelly talk about the importance of talking about your grief throughout your life because the grief will be with you forever.  Mason and Kelly talk about the battle you have with hope as you're going through trauma.  Kelly talks about how the grief of Clint's passing has been on her mind more as her kids get older.  Kelly talks about the moments before Clint's passing, hyper fixating on small moments, and how opening up about her pain helps her carry it better.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason and Ryan talk about how people aren't looking for you to fix their problems when something bad happens.  They talk about how sometimes its about being emotionally supportive.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast we interview Ryan Stream.  Ryan Stream is TEDx speaker, best selling author, Veteran, and entrepreneur.  Ryan shares his story about growing up in poverty, battling drug addiction, going to war, and building his life up from rock bottom.  Ryan talks about how life happens for you instead of life happening to you.  He shares with us gifts that he’s been given that have impacted his life and people who have seen the potential within him when he couldn’t see it himself.  Ryan’s a great dude.  Happy to have met him and share time with him on this podcast.

Mason and Ryan go a bit off the rails on this one.  Listen at your own risk.

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason and Ryan talk to Mitch Whetman.  If you haven't heard Mitch's story go back and listen to episode 15 where we first talk about Mitch's sister Whitney.  Whitney passed away from suicide on July 16, 2010.  Mitch said in the first episode we recorded with him that when you lose a loved one, "they die in pieces."  Since our last interview Mitch got married and had his first baby, and son, Nashton Bret Whetman.  On this episode we talk about the difficulty of accepting the good things happening in your life when your loved ones aren't there to witness it.  We talk about what we do to tap into the idea of We>Me and we talk about Mitch's spiritual journey while walking with grief.

On this episode of the 10 Ninety Podcast we talk to Tim and Becky Graff for the second time.  To hear the full story about the day they lost their daughters you can go back and listen to episode 20.  On May 11, 2020 Tim and Becky lost their two daughters Ellie and Kinsley to a flash flood while hiking through Little WIldhorse Canyon.  During this episode we talk about what Tim and Becky are doing 4 years later and what they do to manage their grief.

Sam and Mason discuss The Parable of the Raft which they heard from Noah Rashetta's podcast: Secular Buddhism. Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go" -Hermann Hesse