Podcast

Riggins would have turned 9 today which is hard to believe. I still hear his sweet voice and cute laugh when he was 5 about to turn 6. I love and miss you so much Riggins. Happy 9th Birthday.

I have my sister in law Keshia, niece Faith and nephew Ran on to talk about what July 25, 2021 was for each of us and what we were doing when we got the news. Talking about Trauma is hard. There is so much my family has not talked about still. The more you talk, the easier it becomes to find the right words. It takes effort, just like anything else in life. I'm so proud of my family in this episode. 3 years later it still hurts the same, maybe worse. The more time goes on the more I havent seen them. That is really difficult to accept. What I have learned so far is how much I really loved Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race and Rider. Death has shown me that. I have learned that the gratitude, the joy, the love, the growth to be had from this horror is located in the same place as the pain. I ran from the pain for so long but that was also causing me to run away from Kortni and Riggins and Franki and Race and Rider. It still hurts, really bad. Continuing to talk about them and how I feel on the inside as allowed me to also find gratitude and love along with the pain now. I didnt have that at the beginning. Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race, Rider. We love you and miss you so much. I never thought this would be our life and journey together. But it is, so what are we going to do about it?

"I remember when I turned 33" I am 6 months older than Kortni and so every time she had a birthday I would say "I remember when I turned..." I think she laughed hard the first time I did it and then rolled here eyes for the next 15 years when I did it haha. Where I am currently at in my grief journey is having the idea that Kortni and Riggins and Franki are somewhere. I am not sure what form or shape that is in but they are somewhere together and it is a struggle for them. Just like it is a struggle for Blue and I and the rest of our family. Kortni always found a way to help people and have a positive influence in the worst of circumstances. Even though Kortni is dealing with grief too I know she would be handling it well with a combo of grace and fury. She keeps me going, she gets me out of bed. She has always been a great leader and role model to me. I got to have some Kortni's friends on. (sorry to all the freinds we didnt have on haha kort would have felt bad) Thank you to her friends Shelbi and Madi who went to middle school with Kortni and played high school basketball with her. We had Kort's friend Aria on too who worked as a nurse with Kortni. My absolute favorite thing is hearing stories about Kortni, especially ones I have never heard of before. So thank you to Shelbi, Madi and Aria I felt Kortni's spirit so strongly talking to all of you at the same time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KORTNI! LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Got to talk with Conner Furu and what he has been through in his life. We both talked a lot about how sports has played a pivotal role in our lives. It was fun to relate with someone like him in that way.  Conner is a man of his word and you get a sense of his integridy and accountability in this episode I think. One of my favorite quotes from him says; "The inferno of our grief is fueled by our refusal to acknowledge it, and extinguished by our attempts to undertand it." Grief at times does feel like an inferno and I think Conner is right. If you refuse to talk about it then it only feeds it and makes it bigger. Only by talking about it can you actually extinguish it. Thanks for showing up and being on our show Conner

June 29th is Franki's Birthday. I miss you so much Frank, can't believe you would be 5! June 29th is also Kortni and my 11th anniversary. I wrote you guys a letter and wanted to read it on here so we would always have it. I love and miss you both so much.

Parker lost his wife, Jordan Lynae Terry, age 28. She passed away December 18, 2023, in Tucson, Arizona from complications incident to childbirth.  A perfect full-term baby boy, Mack Jordan Terry, also passed away on December 17, 2023, during the birth. He weighed 9 pounds and 4 ounces, measuring 20 inches in length. Parker and Jordan planned an at home birth which turned into Parker slowly watching his wife and baby die. Victoria Alexander says; "There are three needs of the griever. To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard." Jordan and Mack passed away about 5 months ago, the strength Jordan has to talk about it is inspiring to me. Thank you for finding the words and saying them Jordan, they will definitely be heard by our 10ninety tribe.

I talk to Blue about his favorite things about kindergarten and summer.

Thank you to all our listeners, you guys sent in some questions and we answerd as many as we could. "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." -Charles R. Swindo

In this episode I talk with my sister in law Keshia, and my niece Faith about Rider for his birthday. Happy Birthday Rider, we love and miss you so much.

Shame and guilt are emotions that we all have. We all feel bad for some things we have done or haven't done. It is part of the human experience. I think that is why jesus told those dudes who were trying to stone that lady to death to only throw a stone if you have no shame or guilt. "He without sin" (shame and guilt) cast the first stone. We have created a culture where we don't talk about shame and guilt, ever. Even though it impacts us all greatly in our day to day life. Chad drove under the influence as an 18 year old kid, got into a car crash and paralyzed one of his best friends. Years later, Chad was moving along with life again. Got married, had a family and was doing well despite the guilt he had. Then one day as his family was getting ready for a family vacation he was backing out of the driveway and didnt know his 2 year old daughter Natalie was riding her bike. He accidently hit her, they rushed her to the hospital and then were told that she was gone. In a world full of people who don't want to talk about shame and guilt, I am proud of Chad for being willing to talk about his. Hearing his story has helped me a lot and I know it will help many of our listeners. As bad as the guilt and shame must be for Chad, he still had one quesiton to answer. What am I going to do about it?

Sam and Mason talk with Becky and Tim Graff, who lost their two daughters. McKinzley, "Kinzley" (age 7) and Elexia, "Ellie" (age 3) in a flash flood. Becky wrote a powerful book: "Swept Away" focusing on grief and acceptance. We appreciate Tim and Becky for being vulnerable and brave enough to talk about such a difficult thing.

Sam and Mason talk about New Year resolutions after having a heavy episode with Tim and Becky Graff. The conversation steered more to God, what heaven is like, and what Jesus is like and of course, movies. Sam and Mason appreciate the fact that they can agree to disagree and still be great friends. "life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what your going to do about it"

Sam and Mason talk about the new Puss in Boots movie that fits in well with the 10ninety message. This episode is dedicated to Dan Hesketh and his family. Dan lost his wife Elizabeth (44) Son Ashton (11) Daughter Kylie (10) in a terrible accident in British Columbia on March 11, 2022. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. One day at a time.

Brad Behle sits down with Sam and Mason to discuss his book "Ride in Paradise." The book tells the story of Brad's brother Jason and his battle with prescription drugs which ended up taking his life. Brad is a great example of making something great happen out of something so terrible. If you battle with opioid addiction please talk to someone.

Sam and Mason answer questions sent in by listeners. -when did sam realize he was different? -what are the benefits of sams dwarfism -the most powerful thing mason was told after the accident -Does Blue talk about his mom, siblings, uncle and cousin -Ex girlfriends -and more

Sam and Mason talk about how life is more simple than we sometimes make it. Waiting for something shiny and new isn't what's stopping you from enjoying life. Honor your life by being grateful for what you have right now.

Sam and Mason sit down with Brandon Vega, the author of Ghetto Conscious and creator of the EATN project. Brandon shares his incredible story of growing up in a tough neighborhood (to say the least) in Florida and how he was able to break the narrative and find success through his E.A.T.N. philosiphy.

Zach Josie has a rare form of dwarfism and is currently training for another Ironman. Zach is a great example of facing obstacles, accepting his circumstances, and moving forward despite that physical competition is harder for him. His drive is inspirational!

I invited my sister shannon, brother sage, sister carlie, and sis in law keshia (Races Wife) to my house on January 17th to celebreate races birthday.  I told them I want to sit around and talk about race. I said I want to record it and upload it to the 10nintey podcast so hopefully 200 years from now races great great great grandkids can know how cool he was listening to some of these stories. The accident is fresh on our mind and the conversation was hard. I love my family so incredibly much. I am so blessed to have the parents and siblings that i do. Race I miss you so much bro. Grief over Race has been much different than grief over Rider and Kortni and Riggins and Franki. I wish i talked to my brother more. i wish he knew how much i looked up to him and how much i loved him. im not sure why i didnt talk to him as much as i wished i did when he was still alive. this is not a usual 10/90 podcast. no sam, no sponsor, not really a 10/90 message just my siblings talking about race. the podcast is similar to a journal for me, so im happy to post this today. the quality of the audio isnt great. there was 5 of us spread out across two mircrophones. ryan garner is mad at me that I didnt use his special microphones. sorry my grammer sucks. LIVE WILD!

Sam and Mason answer questions sent in. Thank you for all the questions and support we get. Into the storm we go!

Sam and Mason discuss The Parable of the Raft which they heard from Noah Rashetta's podcast: Secular Buddhism. Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go" -Hermann Hesse