Podcast

Riggins would have turned 9 today which is hard to believe. I still hear his sweet voice and cute laugh when he was 5 about to turn 6. I love and miss you so much Riggins. Happy 9th Birthday.

I have my sister in law Keshia, niece Faith and nephew Ran on to talk about what July 25, 2021 was for each of us and what we were doing when we got the news. Talking about Trauma is hard. There is so much my family has not talked about still. The more you talk, the easier it becomes to find the right words. It takes effort, just like anything else in life. I'm so proud of my family in this episode. 3 years later it still hurts the same, maybe worse. The more time goes on the more I havent seen them. That is really difficult to accept. What I have learned so far is how much I really loved Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race and Rider. Death has shown me that. I have learned that the gratitude, the joy, the love, the growth to be had from this horror is located in the same place as the pain. I ran from the pain for so long but that was also causing me to run away from Kortni and Riggins and Franki and Race and Rider. It still hurts, really bad. Continuing to talk about them and how I feel on the inside as allowed me to also find gratitude and love along with the pain now. I didnt have that at the beginning. Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race, Rider. We love you and miss you so much. I never thought this would be our life and journey together. But it is, so what are we going to do about it?

"I remember when I turned 33" I am 6 months older than Kortni and so every time she had a birthday I would say "I remember when I turned..." I think she laughed hard the first time I did it and then rolled here eyes for the next 15 years when I did it haha. Where I am currently at in my grief journey is having the idea that Kortni and Riggins and Franki are somewhere. I am not sure what form or shape that is in but they are somewhere together and it is a struggle for them. Just like it is a struggle for Blue and I and the rest of our family. Kortni always found a way to help people and have a positive influence in the worst of circumstances. Even though Kortni is dealing with grief too I know she would be handling it well with a combo of grace and fury. She keeps me going, she gets me out of bed. She has always been a great leader and role model to me. I got to have some Kortni's friends on. (sorry to all the freinds we didnt have on haha kort would have felt bad) Thank you to her friends Shelbi and Madi who went to middle school with Kortni and played high school basketball with her. We had Kort's friend Aria on too who worked as a nurse with Kortni. My absolute favorite thing is hearing stories about Kortni, especially ones I have never heard of before. So thank you to Shelbi, Madi and Aria I felt Kortni's spirit so strongly talking to all of you at the same time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KORTNI! LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Got to talk with Conner Furu and what he has been through in his life. We both talked a lot about how sports has played a pivotal role in our lives. It was fun to relate with someone like him in that way.  Conner is a man of his word and you get a sense of his integridy and accountability in this episode I think. One of my favorite quotes from him says; "The inferno of our grief is fueled by our refusal to acknowledge it, and extinguished by our attempts to undertand it." Grief at times does feel like an inferno and I think Conner is right. If you refuse to talk about it then it only feeds it and makes it bigger. Only by talking about it can you actually extinguish it. Thanks for showing up and being on our show Conner

June 29th is Franki's Birthday. I miss you so much Frank, can't believe you would be 5! June 29th is also Kortni and my 11th anniversary. I wrote you guys a letter and wanted to read it on here so we would always have it. I love and miss you both so much.

Parker lost his wife, Jordan Lynae Terry, age 28. She passed away December 18, 2023, in Tucson, Arizona from complications incident to childbirth.  A perfect full-term baby boy, Mack Jordan Terry, also passed away on December 17, 2023, during the birth. He weighed 9 pounds and 4 ounces, measuring 20 inches in length. Parker and Jordan planned an at home birth which turned into Parker slowly watching his wife and baby die. Victoria Alexander says; "There are three needs of the griever. To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard." Jordan and Mack passed away about 5 months ago, the strength Jordan has to talk about it is inspiring to me. Thank you for finding the words and saying them Jordan, they will definitely be heard by our 10ninety tribe.

I talk to Blue about his favorite things about kindergarten and summer.

Thank you to all our listeners, you guys sent in some questions and we answerd as many as we could. "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." -Charles R. Swindo

In this episode I talk with my sister in law Keshia, and my niece Faith about Rider for his birthday. Happy Birthday Rider, we love and miss you so much.

Shame and guilt are emotions that we all have. We all feel bad for some things we have done or haven't done. It is part of the human experience. I think that is why jesus told those dudes who were trying to stone that lady to death to only throw a stone if you have no shame or guilt. "He without sin" (shame and guilt) cast the first stone. We have created a culture where we don't talk about shame and guilt, ever. Even though it impacts us all greatly in our day to day life. Chad drove under the influence as an 18 year old kid, got into a car crash and paralyzed one of his best friends. Years later, Chad was moving along with life again. Got married, had a family and was doing well despite the guilt he had. Then one day as his family was getting ready for a family vacation he was backing out of the driveway and didnt know his 2 year old daughter Natalie was riding her bike. He accidently hit her, they rushed her to the hospital and then were told that she was gone. In a world full of people who don't want to talk about shame and guilt, I am proud of Chad for being willing to talk about his. Hearing his story has helped me a lot and I know it will help many of our listeners. As bad as the guilt and shame must be for Chad, he still had one quesiton to answer. What am I going to do about it?

My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it-you will regret both. -Sören Kierkegaard

After a horrific automobile accident took the lives of his wife and youngest son, also inflicting multiple life-threatening injuries to Jeff (including the amputation of his left leg) he found the courage to survive over 18 surgeries and eventually heal both physically and emotionally. At the time of his accident, Olsen had incredible Out-of-Body and Near-Death Experiences, bringing him insights not common in today’s world. Jeff has integrated these experiences into everyday life, inspiring others to embrace the beauty around them and choose joy in all they do. Olsen’s latest book, WHERE ARE YOU? is a collaboration with his oldest son Spencer, who also survived the accident at the age of seven. They have captured in a simple and powerful way their healing journey through the innocent perspective of that seven year old child. “Where Are You?” is a heartfelt book for all ages and perfect for anybody who misses someone. Among Jeff’s many accomplishments, he is most fulfilled by simply being a husband, father and friend. *we copied and pasted this from the internet. No one from 10/90 wrote this discription.

Sam and Mason dicuss Franki's favorite movie Tangled in honor of Mason and Kortni's 10 year anniversary and Franki's 4th Birthday. Franki: Happy Birthday Princess. Today you would have turned four. I am grateful and cherish the life you had and the joy you gave everyone including me. I am haunted by what once was mine. Haunted by the future and what could/should have been. Love you forever and always Franki. Kortni: How lucky am I to love someone so much to feel this miserable. Death and pain has shown me how much love I truly have for you. Trying my hardest without you. Haunted by what could have been and so lucky to have what we did. I'd go through hell over and over again if it meant being with you and having Riggins, Blue, and Franki. Slapshot regatta! Love you always and forever. Happy 10 year anniversary Kort.

Thank you for the questions sent in and all the support from our 10ninety listeners! Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what your going to do about it.

This is not a normal 10/90 episode, Sam was not in on this one. Mason sits down with Kortni's siblings Jordin, Jared and Chad and talk about Kortni on her birthday. Kortni's sister KC was really sick and couldn't make it, so that was a bummer. Wanted to have memories of Kortni so Blue and his kids and whoever else can know how incredible she was. Love you Kortni, happy birthday, SLAPSHOT REGATTA

The Office: season 3 episode 4 is about Michael Scotts old boss Ed Truck dying and no one seems to care. Michael trys holding a grief counceling meeting and then the office holds a funeral for a dead bird. Sam and I breakdown this episode and try to use it as a refrence point to talk about the strange and unpredictable monster that grief is. We apologize if your not a fan of The Office.

The anniversary is just kind of another day for me. It hurts the same and feels the same whether it's 730 days or 731 days. I do want to honor the day itself in some way though. We started the 10ninety podcast on July 25, 2022. The one year anniversary of the car accident that took the lives of my wife Kortni, Son Riggins, Daughter Franki, Brother Race and Nephew Rider on July 25, 2021. The accident also claimed the lives of other people and families. What a terrible lonely day. So... What am I going to do about it? What is anyone who had any affiliation with that accident going to do about it? What are you going to do about your demons and terrible lonely days? Because it happened, it's done, you can't change it. Do we look for pity, special treatment, and wonder why me, poor me? Do we become bitter and hate the world and the people in it? Do we run away from accountablity and avoid future circumstances that might lead us to suffering and pain again? Or do we battle on? Appreciating what pain and death and obstacles can teach us? With the mindset that you can take my wife, you can take my son, you can take my daughter, you can take my brother, you can take my nephew but you won't take away my fighting spirit to carry on and the love I have for each of them. You can't take away my desire to be virtuous for virtuous sake and instead of hating it, what if I loved it? Thank you to Sam and Ryan for joining the 10ninety family. Thanks to all of our sponsors, listeners, and true believers of the 10ninety rule. I love you Kortni I love you Riggins I love you Franki I love you Race I love you Rider Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you're going to do about it.

Happy Birthday Riggins, would have turned 8 today. I love and miss you more than words can describe. Trying to live with clear eyes and a full heart without you buddy. I love you and miss you always. Clear Eyes The ability to see what needs to be done, an understanding of what the problem or challenge is. In the sports world it is knowing your assignment, what you have to do and understanding what your teammates are doing while reading the changing situation that plays out in front of you. The ability to not get distracted by less important things. Like another player's trash talk or a mistake made on a previous play. The ability to not be thwarted by what we think we know to be true, diminishing the ability to take in new information so we can better see what is in front of us. Full Heart Strong and sustained effort. Picking yourself up and moving forward when you get knocked down. The attitude that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do about it. Being all in and committed. Loyal to those you share the challenge with. Keeping the balance between one for all and all for one. It is the grit that when you are losing you at least slow the process down so there is less ground to make up when coming back. It is having pride in what you do. It is respecting the effort and talents of others even when they might be our competitor. Cant Lose It is valuing effort even when we fall short of our hopes and expectations. We might lose the game, lose the girl, not get the promotion, be dissapointed in the end result. Recognize that clear eyes and a full heart breed success in many ways perhaps not visible to the connections with others that you might not realize until long after the experience, or perhaps never at least in this life. It improves our ability to win the next game and if we do not win the effort improves who we are. -Steve Sawyer

"Well well well...how the turn tables" The 10ninety podcast thanks Jimmy Rex by having him on for an episode where Jimmy and Mason talk about all sorts of different stuff.  Thank you Jimmy Rex, you have opened many doorways for the 10ninety rule. "Jimmy doesn't like misunderstandings"

Sam and Mason discuss Tony Robbins 6 Human Needs. Certainty uncertainty/variety Significance Connection/Love Growth Contribution

Sam and Mason discuss The Parable of the Raft which they heard from Noah Rashetta's podcast: Secular Buddhism. Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go" -Hermann Hesse